Thursday, August 6, 2009

When does the fear go away?

Friday, August 6, 2009

Current mood: scared

OK, I'm asking all my cancer friends, when did your fear of a recurrence go away or is it always going to be there?

I have my routine 6 month check with my oncologist this coming Monday and for some reason, I am really scared.

It's been a little over a year since my last treatment and a little more than 2 years since my diagnosis.

It's not like this is my first check up. Why am I so scared?

I know one thing is for sure, I'm not looking forward to having them draw my blood. I had my port out in June, so now they have to stick me to get blood. Good luck with that one. I love being a human pin cushion. Let's see how many bruises I walk away with this time.

I also have an appointment to see my gynecologist. Now we all know how fun that visit can be. But that one scares me too. I had an abnormal pap last year and had to have a colposcopy. Everything turned out OK. They just thought it was abnormal due to my chemo. I just hope the one on Monday comes back normal.

What is my problem? I know I can't live in fear and certainly don't want to live just "waiting" for a recurrence to happen.

I hope this gets easier as time goes on...