Thursday, October 17, 2019
Current Mood: Sad
I wrote this letter to my Auntie Judy shortly after she passed back on February 1st of this year . I haven't really shared it with too many people but I thought since it was Breast Cancer Awareness Month it was the perfect way to honor an amazing woman who was sadly taken by this horrific disease.
Dear Auntie Judy,
You were my “My Favoritest Person in the Whole Wide World.” Every child should be blessed to have such
an amazing Auntie in their life.
I remember my Mom telling me a story... We were over your house in Granby and I’m not
sure how old I was but if my parents were together, I must have been
young. I’m thinking I was 3 or 4. She said you had gotten upset with David and
while you were scolding him, I said to her with wide open eyes and a shocked
look on my face, “Auntie Judy yells?” That
just shows you how young I was when I put you on a pedestal.
One of my first real childhood memories of you comes from my
7th Birthday Party or should I say my 7th Surprise Birthday
Party. This was long before cell phones
and I remember sitting in the car while my Dad was calling you from a phone
booth. He was gone a little while and when he came
back, he told me he let the phone ring and ring and ring and that no one was
home. With a disappointed look on my
face, my Dad said, “Well let’s just take a ride to Granby and who knows maybe
she will be home when we get there.” Now
looking back, I’m sure my Dad was telling you that he had just picked me up and
we were on our way. Look at my Dad and you being
all sneaky. I remember that Birthday so
well because that was the year I got my cassette/tape recorder, no not a
cassette walkman, that would come later, but my first cassette/tape recorder
and inside was a cassette of the movie soundtrack to “Grease.”
Your house in Granby was always the center of family
fun. From family cookouts to
Thanksgiving Day dinners, it was always the happening place.
The other day when I went to put your prayer card in my
Bible, I read the words and thought how perfect they were and could hear you
whispering the words to me:
I’d like the memory of
me to be a happy one,
I’d like to leave an
afterglow of smiles when the day is gone.
I’d like to leave an
echo whispering softly down the ways,
Of happy times, and
laughing times, and bright and sunny days.
I’d like the tears of
those who grieve to dry before the sun,
Of happy memories that
I leave when life is done.
All my memories of you are happy ones. From family cookouts to Broadway Shows in NYC
to our phone conversations that were always full of cheer, whether it was
reminiscing, or getting some great advice from you or me sharing a secret or a
concern that I had going on in my life.
As for the afterglow of smiles, that’s easy. You’re smile always lit up the room and memories
of you will forever leave a smile on my face.
As for echo of happy times and laughing times and bright and
sunny days, that’s easy too. Acting
silly and laughing with you and my Dad and me sometimes saying, “That’s not my
Dad!,” I was adopted.
As for the tears, they come and go right now but I know in
time they will come less frequently and with more time eventually dry.
As for those happy memories, there are so many to be
thankful for, you were just simply THE BESTEST.
You had such a way with making people feel so loved. You always knew what to say. You were there for me when my Mom died and
were there to reassure me that she loved me.
And then a year later, we lost Grandma.
I know that was such a huge loss for you, being so close to her, and for
our family. I will never forget our
visit to the cemetery to see Grandma. You
shared with me your secret of feeling so guilty because in your words, you were
short with Grandma that week before she went into the hospital. It was now my time to be there for you with some
words of wisdom. I reassured you that
Grandma loved and you should not feel guilty, we all have our moments and
Grandma would have understood. We stood
there hugging and crying. It was a
special moment that I will never forget.
I’m so glad you found the strength to go to the cemetery with me that
day, and I was able to give you some peace.
Later, you thanked me and it meant the world to me. Grandma would be happy.
And then a year later, you were there for me through my Cancer
Crapness. From that first appointment
with Dr. Lee to that scary appointment with Dr. Nerenstone and even with me
again with Dr. Smith, you were there to comfort me and let me know that I was
not alone in this battle. I know you
and my Dad were scared and hell I was scared too but we tackled it one step at
a time. Thanks for getting me out of the
house on good days and for all the movies we saw that summer and fall. Most importantly thank you for going to the Harry
Gray Cancer Center to see “The Book”, a book full of pictures of women who had
mastectomies and were brave enough to show their scars. We would also meet a woman named Linda that
day and with your encouragement we shared a moment that I don’t think I could
have done without you. Only you know what
that was…thank you.
After my cancer battle, I chased my dream and decided to
move to NYC. I know you were concerned
about me moving to the Big City and being all by myself, although you did
remind me that I had my Mom’s adventurous side.
You and my Dad would take the train to see me and you got to see my
Co-op in Brooklyn and I got to show you around and eventually more visits would
come.
I loved the time when you and I went into the city by
ourselves, this was pre me living in NYC.
I was watching a show, I can’t remember the name now but it was like an
American Idol show but for people who wanted to be on Broadway. The two winners were going to go on Broadway and
star in Grease. The night that they won,
I called you and asked you if you wanted to go to NYC with me to see the
show. I got tickets for a matinee that
just happened to fall on my Birthday. It
was the perfect Birthday gift to me because I was with you, My Most Favoritest
Person, in my Favorite City watching a Broadway show. We ate lunch in Little Italy at Paesano’s and
I remember we ate outside and it was during the San Gennaro Festival. It was the perfect Auntie Judy and Jill day!
I remember after one of your trips visiting me in NYC, while
I was saying good bye to you in at Grand Central Station, you whispered in my
ear, “Honey, I know I don’t have to
worry about you anymore.” Meaning you
saw how I handled myself and got around “The Big City” and that your Niece was
going to be just fine.
I can say I blame you for always having to have a matching
wallet when I buy a new handbag. Yup,
you started that when I was a preteen and you bought me a Liz Claiborne handbag
and a matching wallet. Yes, a Liz Claiborne
handbag was very stylin’ when I was young.
Today I still carry my Louis Vuitton bag that I bought in Paris years
ago and yes I did get the matching wallet and I remember thinking of you while
I was in that Louis Vuitton store in Paris right by the Arc de Triomphe.
I think, what I’m going to miss most about you are our conversations
about Grandma. I know her death was such
a huge loss for you, you guys were so close and I think we shared that deep
loss together. There is still not a day
that goes by that I don’t think of Grandma.
I love wearing her ring, the one her Father gave her for her 16th
Birthday and I’m honored that you chose me to have that special heirloom.
I know going home to CT is never going to be the same. I always made my plans around you. I loved just hanging out with and of course
getting our signature pizza from Main St. Pizza, which I swear is the best
pizza in the whole world. And what
about your famous potato salad at family cookouts, that’s makes me sad
too.
I’m going to miss our love of books too. I loved exchanging books with you. We both loved James Patterson and especially
the ones with Lindsay Boxer and the rest of the girls from the Women’s Murder
Club. It’s like we had our own book
club.
And what about our love for The Young and the Restless; always
sharing our thoughts about the latest plot.
Just recently the actor who
played Neil, Kristoff St. John, passed away and I instantly thought of you,
wanting to pick up the phone and tell you.
I think what I’m going to miss most is your advice. You always knew what to say to make me feel
better or reassure me of something, I may have doubted or even in myself. You were my sounding board for several
things that I have no idea who is going to help me now. You were the keeper of my secrets and I thank
you for that.
I hope my two Nieces, Kiersten and Alexis grow up and know
that I will always be there for them too.
I hope they know that they will be able to come to me just like I did to
you. I know I have some BIG shoes to
fill. Thanks for being such an amazing
role model and more importantly thanks for being the Bestest Auntie a girl
could ask for.
I love you Auntie Judy!
