Three Steps Forward, One Step Behind

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Current mood: Emotionally exhausted!

Reclaiming my life after chemo has been very difficult. See I still need to go for a drug called Herceptin every 3 weeks. It is given through an IV via my port.

I have my Herceptin treatment at the same facility I had my chemo, so I feel like I’m stepping back in time…..to a time I would rather forget.

I hate the sight of those recliners with patients sitting in them getting poisoned. I hate the sound of the IV pump. And worse of all I hate going to the bathroom and smelling all those chemicals leaving my body.

I’ve been back to work for about a month now and getting back into the groove of things has been very difficult, but that’s a whole different blog.

I just feel like after my Herceptin treatment, I’m free. I don’t have to go back for 3 weeks. I go back to “normal” and start to live my life. And then BAM! It’s time for another treatment. Now I’m right back to where I started, back to sights and smells that trigger memories of chemo….it sucks!

I just want to reclaim my life and move on past all my chemo and its memories…..

The time will come, I started my Herceptin journey on August 28, 2007 and I only need it for a year. I know you shouldn’t wish your life away but I wish August was here already.