Thursday, February 4, 2010
Current mood: Reminiscent
OK! So I got the news back about my bone scan and NO, it is not the return of the BIG C! Thank God!
I have to admit I was pretty freaked out waiting for the news.
In my mind, my future had stopped. I actually started planning for the worst. I double checked my life insurance policy and wanted to make sure I had the right beneficiary. I actually had a conversation with my Dad about taking my dog and how he could use my savings account for all her future vet bills. It was kinda scary where my mind had gone.
Which brings me to this blog...
The other day I was watching an episode of the television show "Lost" and in that episode one of the characters, Charlie knows he is going to die and so he starts making a list. He has flashbacks to certain events in his past. Later I would find out that these were his top 5 favorite memories.
I decided to try and do this and this is what I came up with...
Number Five: Dancing with my brother at his Wedding. We all know that the Bride dances with her Father and the Groom dances with his Mother. As you know my Mom has since passed so my brother would not have this beautiful opportunity. I spoke with his future wife, Jennifer and talked to her about this and told her that I wanted to dance with him. After speaking with my brother we chose the song "My Wish" by Rascal Flatts. Their Wedding was so beautiful and I cried like a baby when I danced with Dean. I actually started to cry when the first note started to play. Dean would quickly calm me down and before the song ended we were both laughing. I still can't believe my little brother is married. I love you Dean!
Number Four: Painting the deck with my Step-Dad. The thing about this memory isn't the action of painting the deck but it's the conversations that my Step-Dad and I had. We were painting my Mom's deck and getting ready to put her condo up for sale. It was a difficult time in both our lives. Death is never easy but my Mom's death was very tragic and very sudden. I will leave it at that. The conversations I had with my Dad are private so I'm not going to share too much but I got answers to some questions that had bothered me for years. Thanks Dad for being there and helping to ease the pain of past.
Number Three: Family Game Night. I miss Family Game Night. Family Game Night was usually Sunday evenings. My Mom, Step-Dad, brother Dean and I would plays board games. It would change over the years as my brother got older. In his younger years we would play "Sorry" and as he got older we taught him how to play cards. I especially loved Family Game Night in the Summer. We would play outside on the deck by the pool with the Tiki Torches burning. Sometimes I wish I could go back to those days and play one more game...
Number Two: Family Tree with Grandma. I've always wanted to make a Family Tree and who better to do this with than Grandma. I remember adding each family member and her telling me a story about them. It made me feel like I knew them. We first did my Grandpa's side and then we did her side. One thing that stood out in my mind was when my Grandma told me about her brother Paul and that when he passed away she had special flowers made for him called "Bleeding Hearts". These flowers were very special to her and I remember making a mental note. Years would go by and when my Grandma passed away and we were choosing flowers for her funeral, I chose "Bleeding Hearts". I wanted that special memory my Grandma and I shared that day to live on.
Number One: Weekends at my Nana's House. When I was little I used to spend weekends over my Nana's House. It was a time when my Mom was single. She had divorced my Dad and had not yet met my Step-Dad. On Friday nights my Mom would drop me off at my Nana's work. I loved spending time over my Nana's House. She lived in a big apartment complex and it had a pool. We would spend all day Saturday there. She always asked me what I wanted for lunch and the answer was always....grilled cheese with P&P loaf. Those were the best sandwiches ever! Saturday nights were always fun too. We would watch The Muppet Show and The Donny and Marie Show and if I was good I was allowed to stay up and watch The Love Boat. Sunday mornings we would get up early and go to church and we always had pot roast for dinner when we returned. I miss those grilled cheese sandwiches, no matter how hard I try I can't seem to get them as good as Nana's. Someday Nana, we will share a grilled cheese sandwich again...
It was hard trying to come up with just 5 but there is another that is a notable mention. My house warming present from my Mom. When I bought my first house my Mom got me a loaf of bread, a jar of peanut butter and a jar of jelly. To the average person this would mean nothing but to me it meant so much more. These simple items symbolized a special memory only shared by my Mom and me. See my first rated R movie that my Mom allowed me to see was "St. Elmo's Fire" and over the years it became a classic for us. There is a line in the movie when one of the characters gets her own apartment and she's telling her friends that when she got up in the middle of her first night there she made herself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. She said it was the best peanut butter and jelly sandwich she had ever made because it was her bread, her peanut butter, her jelly and her apartment. Along with my Mom's present came a sticky note and on that sticky note it read, It was the best peanut butter and jelly sandwich I've ever had. To this day I still have that sticky note. It's on my refrigerator and has traveled with me from house to house. Thank you Mom for such a special memory.
I'm glad to be healthy right now! I can see the future again. I'm looking forward to my trip to Europe this Spring. Watch out London and Paris, here I come.
And more importantly I'm looking forward to making new memories...
Current mood: Reminiscent
OK! So I got the news back about my bone scan and NO, it is not the return of the BIG C! Thank God!
I have to admit I was pretty freaked out waiting for the news.
In my mind, my future had stopped. I actually started planning for the worst. I double checked my life insurance policy and wanted to make sure I had the right beneficiary. I actually had a conversation with my Dad about taking my dog and how he could use my savings account for all her future vet bills. It was kinda scary where my mind had gone.
Which brings me to this blog...
The other day I was watching an episode of the television show "Lost" and in that episode one of the characters, Charlie knows he is going to die and so he starts making a list. He has flashbacks to certain events in his past. Later I would find out that these were his top 5 favorite memories.
I decided to try and do this and this is what I came up with...
Number Five: Dancing with my brother at his Wedding. We all know that the Bride dances with her Father and the Groom dances with his Mother. As you know my Mom has since passed so my brother would not have this beautiful opportunity. I spoke with his future wife, Jennifer and talked to her about this and told her that I wanted to dance with him. After speaking with my brother we chose the song "My Wish" by Rascal Flatts. Their Wedding was so beautiful and I cried like a baby when I danced with Dean. I actually started to cry when the first note started to play. Dean would quickly calm me down and before the song ended we were both laughing. I still can't believe my little brother is married. I love you Dean!
Number Four: Painting the deck with my Step-Dad. The thing about this memory isn't the action of painting the deck but it's the conversations that my Step-Dad and I had. We were painting my Mom's deck and getting ready to put her condo up for sale. It was a difficult time in both our lives. Death is never easy but my Mom's death was very tragic and very sudden. I will leave it at that. The conversations I had with my Dad are private so I'm not going to share too much but I got answers to some questions that had bothered me for years. Thanks Dad for being there and helping to ease the pain of past.
Number Three: Family Game Night. I miss Family Game Night. Family Game Night was usually Sunday evenings. My Mom, Step-Dad, brother Dean and I would plays board games. It would change over the years as my brother got older. In his younger years we would play "Sorry" and as he got older we taught him how to play cards. I especially loved Family Game Night in the Summer. We would play outside on the deck by the pool with the Tiki Torches burning. Sometimes I wish I could go back to those days and play one more game...
Number Two: Family Tree with Grandma. I've always wanted to make a Family Tree and who better to do this with than Grandma. I remember adding each family member and her telling me a story about them. It made me feel like I knew them. We first did my Grandpa's side and then we did her side. One thing that stood out in my mind was when my Grandma told me about her brother Paul and that when he passed away she had special flowers made for him called "Bleeding Hearts". These flowers were very special to her and I remember making a mental note. Years would go by and when my Grandma passed away and we were choosing flowers for her funeral, I chose "Bleeding Hearts". I wanted that special memory my Grandma and I shared that day to live on.
Number One: Weekends at my Nana's House. When I was little I used to spend weekends over my Nana's House. It was a time when my Mom was single. She had divorced my Dad and had not yet met my Step-Dad. On Friday nights my Mom would drop me off at my Nana's work. I loved spending time over my Nana's House. She lived in a big apartment complex and it had a pool. We would spend all day Saturday there. She always asked me what I wanted for lunch and the answer was always....grilled cheese with P&P loaf. Those were the best sandwiches ever! Saturday nights were always fun too. We would watch The Muppet Show and The Donny and Marie Show and if I was good I was allowed to stay up and watch The Love Boat. Sunday mornings we would get up early and go to church and we always had pot roast for dinner when we returned. I miss those grilled cheese sandwiches, no matter how hard I try I can't seem to get them as good as Nana's. Someday Nana, we will share a grilled cheese sandwich again...
It was hard trying to come up with just 5 but there is another that is a notable mention. My house warming present from my Mom. When I bought my first house my Mom got me a loaf of bread, a jar of peanut butter and a jar of jelly. To the average person this would mean nothing but to me it meant so much more. These simple items symbolized a special memory only shared by my Mom and me. See my first rated R movie that my Mom allowed me to see was "St. Elmo's Fire" and over the years it became a classic for us. There is a line in the movie when one of the characters gets her own apartment and she's telling her friends that when she got up in the middle of her first night there she made herself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. She said it was the best peanut butter and jelly sandwich she had ever made because it was her bread, her peanut butter, her jelly and her apartment. Along with my Mom's present came a sticky note and on that sticky note it read, It was the best peanut butter and jelly sandwich I've ever had. To this day I still have that sticky note. It's on my refrigerator and has traveled with me from house to house. Thank you Mom for such a special memory.
I'm glad to be healthy right now! I can see the future again. I'm looking forward to my trip to Europe this Spring. Watch out London and Paris, here I come.
And more importantly I'm looking forward to making new memories...
2 comments:
Jill,
After reading your blog, I just felt overcome with all of these emotions. I just wanted to let you know that I feel truly blessed to have you as my sister. I know we don't talk much, but you are always in my thoughts. Of course one of my Top 5 memories is my wedding as well for 2 reasons: marrying my best friend and gaining a sister.
Love,
Jenn
I love this post.
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