Coming Full Circle

Date:  September 29, 2024

Current mood:  Elated

 

Do you ever believe that things happen at certain times for a reason or certain people come into your life just at the right time.  Well that’s kinda what has happened to me recently.

So those of you closest to me will know that while I fought my breast cancer there were certain things I just didn’t care about right, losing my hair for example.  I embraced being bald.  Now that doesn’t mean I enjoyed the constant stares from people who just didn’t know any better.  Or didn’t have a complete melt down when all my hair was at the bottom of the drain in the shower.  Another thing I didn’t care about at the time was completing my reconstruction.  I knew after talking to one of my closest cancer friends Cathy about nipples that I did not want to have that done.  See if you have that done, then your “headlight” will always be on.  No one ever tells you that fun fact so thank you Cathy for sharing your story and being so open and honest with me.  I also chose not to have my areolas tattooed as well.  I think I was just over everything.  I was exhausted both physically and mentally and just didn’t care at the time.  I wasn’t dating anyone and the thought of dating anyone scared the shit out of me, like who’s gonna want this girl with no nipples or areolas. 

Fast forward to today and then we’ll take a journey down memory lane.

First today…  So this girl has decided to give in to all her friends that want her to find someone and be happy, so I decided to go back online and torture myself with online dating.  Now I have dated previously from match which is where my longest past relationship came from but also where my douche bag guy came from as well, the one who did the most psychological damage.  I believe I have already blogged about him, see post titled, Simply DB, LOL!

Memory lane…  I have found that most guys and my longest last relationship tended to shy away from the breast area.  Maybe they thought they were going to hurt me.  Well not physically but it did emotionally, it just made me feel like I wasn’t wanted or wasn’t a complete woman.  I know before you say anything …  It’s how I felt. 

So back to today…  So the first guy I met online was very sweet when I told him about my BC.  His exact words were "educate me", tell me all about your story.  He seemed to really care.  And when we decided to become intimate he is probably the first guy since my BC that has made me feel good about myself.  He never hesitated to touch my breasts and it was perfect.

I have also met someone from online dating who has become I feel like a really good friend.  I shared my story with him and I shared how I never finished my reconstruction.  We talked about what I had mentioned earlier about how I was just done at the time.  Well it’s funny cause at my next gynecologist appointment my Dr tells me that one of the Drs in the office has now been trained to do 3D areola tattooing and asked if I would be interested.  I was like OMG, I just had this conversation with someone.  I took the information and reached out the Dr. 

We will call her Dr B.  I spoke to Dr B and she told me she herself is a BC survivor and she wanted to be able to give back and she wanted it to be something that would make patients feel good about themselves and what better way then to see them complete their journey.  I love her!!!!

I went to her website and looked at the pictures of the 3D tattooing was simply blown away at how realistic they looked.  I cried!  It’s what I want and I believe it’s going to help me feel better about myself as well.  Who knew 17 years later I would be completing my journey.  I have made my appointment for November 17, the day after my Mammoth March.  I wanted to be done with bike training and hiking training so I could take the time off to heal properly.  I have never been so excited about something in a really long time.  I also wanted to share the text Dr B sent me after I sent her a picture of my breasts which she had asked for so she could prepare for my visit with some ideas.

Hi Jill!  Thank you sending the picture.  Your scars healed beautifully!  I can’t wait to tattoo some beautiful 3D areolas and nipples for you.  It’s going to look amazing!  (heart emoji)  - Dr B

I cannot wait Dr B!