Sunday, July 19, 2009

WOW! 5 years ago...


Sunday, July 19, 2009

Current mood: Blessed

Yesterday I went to a cookout on Staten Island to celebrate my friend Jen's 5 year cancerversary. It was amazing meeting her family and her husband Chad's family. The celebration reminded me of the one I had when I was FINALLY done with my treatment. It was such a beautiful day!

The picture is of Jen, her husband Chad, and I at the 2009 Revlon Walk here in NYC.

WOW! Five years. I can't wait to have 5 years cancer free under my belt.

It's weird when you look back over the last 5 years of your life. My has been very challenging.

On August 1, it will be 5 years since my Mom passed away. That was devastating and completely unexpected. Then a little over a year later my Grandma passed away and then a year later, I'm diagnosed with cancer.

Can you pile any more crap on me?

Some people like to say that God is challenging me and of course there is that saying, God only gives you what he thinks you can handle. OK, is that supposed to make me feel better. Does that mean he thinks I'm strong.

Well damn it! I am strong and I am a survivor!

I guess being at Jen's cookout yesterday and seeing her Grandma and Mom made me ache for mine. I miss you Mom and Grandma.

I know they are my angels looking after me.

Here's to the next 5 years and continuing to chase my dreams and stay healthy
!

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Saying Good-bye to the Fashionable Hospital Gown


Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Current mood: Elated!


OK, so I got my port removed yesterday. That's right, I've been "deported".

I have to admit I had mixed emotions about this. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad that my cancercrapness journey is coming to an end. But I'm not too happy about having to be pricked two or three times before they can draw blood out of me. Let alone all the times they slap at you to try and get the vein to pop out. Here come the bruises... It took the nurse yesterday 3 tries and about 45 minutes to find a vein on me and not just a vein but one that had blood come out. She actually had to put it in the side of my thumb after she asked what they did when they put the port in.

Of course before all this happened I heard the all too familiar words, "Here is the gown to change into, opening in the back".

Opening in the back? These were new words I was hearing. In the back? Don't you mean in the front? I've been showing off my boobs for the last two years and now you want the opening in the back. WOW! I think my boobs actually had their feelings hurt....lol

I can't even tell you how many hospital gowns, I've changed into over the past 2 plus years.

It was nice at the end to change into my clothes and roll this one up in a ball and throw it on the chair and say, "I'm Done!" Done with all this cancercrapness!

Sunday, May 31, 2009

Praying for Me

Sunday, May 31, 2009

Current Mood: Confused


OK! I'm not really sure how to approach this blog. I don't want to offend anyone but I really need to get this off my chest.

I got an email from a friend a couple of weeks ago. She wrote that her sister had lost her battle with cancer and that she prays for me everyday.

I was sad to hear about her sister but the other part of the email and praying for me just really caught me off guard.

I guess it goes back to the beginning of my cancercrapness journey when I had a nurse tell me she was going to pray for me after looking at my ultrasound. Keep in mind, I wasn't even diagnosed at this time. I was just getting my mammogram and ultrasound and was meeting with a breast surgeon later in the week.

I of course burst into tears in sheer fear that I already had cancer and was going to die. It must be true, I have a nurse praying for me already.

Those words really freaked me out then and now with this new email it's kinda freaked me out again.

I know cancer is deadly and serious but I never thought I was going to die from it.

I guess I try not to think about my cancer and what may happen in the future. Sure there is a chance of a relapse but I try not dwell on that. That's what my 6 month check ups are for, the day of anxiety and hoping for good blood work and no more tumors.

I know I have used those words and sent cards with sayings like, You're in my thoughts and prayers. So why does this freak me out so much? Is it because the praying is for me and now it brings on a totally new meaning? Maybe that's it.

I know my friend meant well in her email it's just that sometimes words and certain phrases really freak me out.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Damn Hot Flashes!

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Current mood: Tired of Sweating!


OK, let me just start off by saying one of my biggest fears has come true. I'm getting hot flashes! I feared this would happen. It is one of the lovely side affects of Tamoxifin. Fabulous!

I went to see my breast surgeon last week for my 6 month check up and she asked me how the Tamoxifin was working and I told her that I started getting hot flashes. Her response was not what I expected.

She told me that research has shown that women who get hot flashes from taking Tamoxifin have a better end result with the drug than women who don't get them. It means the drug is working.

OK, am I supposed to be happy? Yipppeee! Everytime I burst into flames, I'll just tell myself that the Tamoxifin is working. How about someone invent a portable hand held air conditioner for me.

I always feared this day would come. I remember when I was going through my treatments and the doctor warning me that some of my chemo drugs may put me into early menopause. I prayed every month that I would get my period. It's kinda funny cause my friend Danielle was trying to get pregnant at the time and she was praying for the opposite. And what about all my adolescent years spent hating my period and now I want it to come every month.

No! Don't send me into menopause, I'm too Young!

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

OMG! It's The Barenaked Ladies!



Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Current mood: Honored


This past Monday I went to the OMG Cancer Summit, a cancer conference for young adults.

At this conference was one of band members from the Barenaked Ladies. His name is Kevin Hearn. He too is a young adult cancer survivor.

The picture I posted is of him reading from his journal, a journal he kept through his cancercrapness.

You could tell when he first got on stage and started talking that he was uncomfortable, he even admitted he hates to speak in front of people.

I felt so honored that Kevin Hearn of the Barenaked Ladies was here sharing his cancercrapness with us. He read one entry that really stuck out for me. He talked about being in his hospital bed late at night and his roommate was asleep and he could hear the sound of his chemo bag dripping. WOW! I know I have talked and even blogged about how much I HATED the sound of my chemo pump. I have something in common with Kevin Hearn.....how cool is that.....too bad it's STUPID CANCER!

He also told us that when he told his band members that he was coming to the conference, they were like, "we want to go too". I think that's awesome that the band wanted to perform for us. Here they are performing one of their hits songs One Week.

Thanks Barenaked Ladies for a great show and especially to Kevin for sharing his story.





Saturday, April 18, 2009

Marley and Me...aka, Maddy and Me



Saturday, April 18, 2009

Current mood: Sad

OK, I finally got a chance to see Marley and Me and let me just start off by saying, THANK GOD, I didn't see it in the theatre. I would have been so embarrassed. I not only cried but I was doing that whole hyperventilating cry.

It was a good movie and we all know how it was going to end but man I was not ready for that.

As you can see from the picture, I have a Bichon Frise. Her name is Maddy and she will be 10 years old next month.

Maddy and I have been to hell and back. I always tease and say that her sodium level must be through the roof because of all the tears that she has licked over the years.

She was there for me when my Mom died and then my Grandmother. And then of course came my cancer. She has always been there for me. And yet again today, she was there for me. As soon as I started to cry she came up on my lap and put her two paws on my chest and just started licking my tears away. There goes her sodium level again....

I can have a horrible, crappy day, but when I turn my key in the door and see her all excited to see me, it changes everything. She loves me unconditionally...what more could you ask for?

Maddy and I do everything together and I take her everywhere permitted. I can't believe she is going to be 10 years old next month. My baby is getting old. I noticed it the other day, her extra bounce in her step is slowing down when I bring her for her walks. She used to be able to power walk with me. That's OK, I'll slow down for my Maddy.

When the time comes and I have to make the decision to put her down, you better put me in a padded room for awhile cause I'm definitely going to lose it!

Monday, April 13, 2009

They're Back and Stronger than Ever!

Monday, April 13, 2009

Current mood: Flirty

I am soooo psyched! My eyelashes are FINALLY back and stronger than ever!

One of the things I hated most about going through chemo wasn't just losing my hair but losing my eyebrows and eyelashes.

Don't get me wrong, losing my hair was devastating but I could wear hats and scarves to try to look "normal".

When I lost my eyebrows and eyelashes, is when it really set in as to how sick I was. I now looked sick. Sure you can try putting makeup on and I did the whole penciling of the eyebrows, yeah right. I had no luck and thought I looked like a little old lady with fake lines above my eyes.

I was so excited when my eyelashes started to grow back. I was already with my fancy mascara. And then, they fell out again. I was devastated! What the hell...

I remember one of my fellow chemo buddies saying that her eyelashes had fallen out again too. I thought, OK this must be normal. I talked to my chemo nurse about it and she reassured me that they would grow back and that they might not have been strong enough.

Good news, they did grow back and yes, they did fall out again. WTF!

I patiently waited and yes again they grew back and yet again fell out.

OK, three is a charm, right?

Well, I am happy to say they haven't fallen out again and they look fabulous. I really noticed them the other night when I was getting ready to go out and was putting on my mascara. There they were fluttering back at me, nice and long. Welcome back, I've missed you.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Revlon Run/Walk for Women


Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Current mood: Determined

Hey Friends and Family!

Hope this letter finds you well. I’m doing well and loving my new job and of course living in NYC is awesome. I’m living my dream.

I have decided to participate in Revlon’s Walk for Women’s Cancer on Saturday, May 2nd. It starts in Times Square and ends in Central Park.

This is a cause that is very near and dear to me, not only because I am a breast cancer survivor but because Revlon is a company that helped fund Dr. Slamon in his quest to get FDA approval for a breast cancer drug called Herceptin.

Herceptin is a drug for women that have HER2 positive breast cancer. This only accounts for 25% of breast cancer however it makes the cancer much more aggressive.

I was HER2 positive and I had Herceptin treatments every 3 weeks for a year.

Without Herceptin I’m not sure where I would be.

Needless to say, I am very thankful to Revlon for helping to fund this great doctor/researcher and I’m even more grateful to Dr. Slamon for his continued research in fighting for us cancer survivors.

So please help with my cause and sponsor me in my walk.

If you would like to sponsor me, please go to revlonrunwalk.com. I am registered under the NYC walk (Jill Ann Zocco) and my bib number is 11252. Or you can go directly by using this link https://www.revlonrunwalk.com/ny/secure/mywebpage.cfm?pID=486948

Thank you so much! I love you guys!

Jill
Breast Cancer Survivor
http://cancercrapness.blogspot.com

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Do you have $340,358.35?


Thursday, April 2, 2009

Current mood: Shocked!

Well I finally did it. I added up all my bills from my cancer and got this outrageous number.

The cost of my cancer that was billed to my insurance company was...can I have a drum roll please...$340,358.35.

That's crazy!

All I have to say is, THANK GOD I had insurance!

I haven't really added up my costs. I know my deductible was $600 and each office visit was $25 and of course all my drugs, they cost me $10 a prescription.

Here is the breakdown of my cancer bill that was sent to my insurance company:

mammogram, ultrasound, biopsies, consult with breast surgeon, pathology reports and lab work $6,678.22

Breast Surgeon office visits $1,951.

MRI $3,613.93

Pre-op physicals $467.

1st surgery to remove lump $12,223.16

Consult with Plastic Surgeon $590.

Genetic Test $3,120.

Oncologist Consult $360.

Blood work $122.42

Pathology reports $98.65

Body Scans (full body, pelvic and heart) $7,913.50

Surgery to implant my port $6,281.13

Chemo Treatments, this includes office visits, blood work, chemo drugs, injections, IV therapy and of course supplies $84,221.07

The chemo drugs by themselves were $58,355.

Herceptin Treatments, this includes office visits, blood work, Herceptin drug, injections, IV therapy and once again supplies $128,919.68

The Herceptin Drug alone was $108,426.

Breast Surgery/Bi-lateral mastectomy with DEIP tram flap reconstruction $83,668.59

Holy Shit! That's alot of money. The operating room alone was $29,696. I guess that seems fair enough, after all I was in surgery for 15 hours.

Visiting Nurse $130.

Grand Total $340,358.35

OMG!

Monday, March 30, 2009

Help Support Young Adult Cancer Week



Monday, March 30, 2009

Current mood: Hopeful

As a young adult cancer survivor, I am always looking for ways to get the word out about how left behind "we" are when it comes to cancer research. The stats don't lie. The stats are SCARY, especially for a young adult who is facing cancer.

Young Adult Cancer Awareness Week is coming up April 5-11 and I am urging everyone I know to please go to this website http://www.thegrouproom.tv/yacaw-proclamation.php and send a letter to either your Governor or The President.

This is what the proclamation looks like:

Dear Governor/President ___________:

I am writing to you today to request you officially designate National Young Adult Cancer Awareness Week (April 5-11, 2009) in the great state of _______. A sample proclamation and request has been sent to you and we hope you wil consider signing it and helping to draw attention to Young Adults with Cancer.

The cancer communications organization, Vital Options International, is a California based 501(c)(3) and was founded in 1983 as the first support and advocacy organization specifically for young adults with cancer between the ages of 17- 40. On April 4, 2003, to commemorate Vital Options’ 20th anniversary, National Young Adult Cancer Awareness Week was launched. Since then, a growing number of organizations have joined Vital Options in this annual effort.

The Problem
More than 70,000 young adults in their 20s and 30s are diagnosed with cancer every year, eight times more often than in patients under 15 years old

Cancer is the leading disease killer among 20- to 39-year olds

Young adults with cancer have had less survival improvement than either younger or older patients

Strides made in cancer treatment have bypassed young adults; in the 25 to 35 age group, survival rates have not increased since 1975

The survival gap for young adults is not improving, it is getting worse

In order to address these critical issues, the LIVESTRONG™ Young Adult Alliance has been formed as a coalition of young adult organizations committed to coordinating initiatives that will improve survival rates and quality of life for young adults with cancer between the ages of 15 and 40. The Alliance is a program of the Lance Armstrong Foundation. Young adults are a distinct patient group with unique clinical and psychosocial needs. An official designation of National Young Adult Cancer Awareness Week will enable us to accelerate our efforts.

I appreciate your time and consideration of this proclamation. Should you wish to find out more information, please visit http://www.youngadultswithcancer.org/

Thank you

Sunday, March 1, 2009

What day do you celebrate?

Sunday, March 1, 2009

Current mood: Confused


OK...I'm throwing this question out to all my cancer friends. What day do you celebrate your cancercrapness freeness?

I have so many dates and I'm not sure which one to make my official celebration day.

I was diagnosed on March 8, 2007, but to me that doesn't seem like a day to celebrate.

I had my first surgery to remove the cancer on March 28, 2007, but I would find out later that the cancer had spread and that I needed a mastectomy, so I don't want to celebrate that day.

I finished my chemo on October 2, 2007, that seems like a good day to celebrate but I still needed to have my Herceptin treatment every three weeks for the next year. I would have to go back to the same place I had my chemo so I always felt like I was stepping back in time.

I had my bi-lateral mastectomy and reconstruction on November 22, 2007 and my Doctor gave me a clean pathology report on November 27, 2007, so do I celebrate that day?

My last Herceptin treatment was June 29, 2008, do I consider that the end?

I just went to see my oncologist last week and she wants me to have my port removed. That seems like the final step, do I consider that the end and time to celebrate?

Of course every day without cancer is a day to celebrate! I'm just not sure what to consider my cancer anniversary.

So to all my cancer friends, I ask you....what day do you celebrate?

Would love for you to leave me your comments.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

No! Don't take my port

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Current mood: Mixed Emotions


I went to see my oncologist back in CT yesterday. It was time for my 6 month check up. I had to go back to the Cancer Center. See I chose to have my chemo done at a satellite office. The Cancer Center was not for me, it's attached the hospital and I hated going there. The smells of hospitals get to me. I have to admit I had mixed emotions. I knew it was going to be hard but I was excited to see my chemo nurse, Helen. Just walking into the Cancer Center brought tears to my eyes. It brings me back to a time I would rather forget.

They quickly called my name and I was off to get my finger pricked to make sure my counts were good. I hate having blood work done. I think it's the fear of finding something wrong.

While I was waiting in my oncologists examining room I was looking at all the certificates and degrees she had earned and then it hit me. I hated this room! This was the room where I was told that I was going to start my chemo that next Monday and my surgery was cancelled. This is the room where I cried. Of course it was different today, but sometimes it's hard to not have the past creep back.

During my visit with my oncologist she informed me that it was time to have my port removed. My heart sank. I love my port! See I'm one of those people that you cannot find a vein on. I can't imagine going back to being stuck with needles.....NO! My port has been part of me since June 2007, I don't want to say good-bye.

One of the sucky things is that my scars from the port have healed really nice and aren't that noticeable anymore. Now I have to start all over with a new scar; waiting for it to heal and blend with the rest of my skin.

After my visit with the oncologist I went to get my port flushed and caught up with my chemo nurse. I love Helen! As I was sitting in the recliner waiting for her, I found myself staring at the guy across from me. He was sleeping and I looked up at his chemo pump and heard that all too familiar sound. I hate that sound, the clicking of the chemo pump. Listening to the poison enter your body. WOW! I started to cry and had to compose myself quickly as Helen entered the room with my port flushing kit. She flushed me and gave me a huge hug and then she was off to the next patient.

I headed to the receptionist to schedule my next 6 month appointment. I wanted out of there! It was just getting to be too much.

I still can't believe that my two year D-Day is coming up. March 8, 2007 my life would change forever.

Saturday, January 24, 2009

Why is everyone so obsessed with nipples?



January 24, 2009

Current mood: Pissed!


OK, I had a scare last month. I found a lump in my left breast. I freaked out for several reasons. One being that my cancer was in my left breast and second I've had a double mastectomy a little over a year ago so I shouldn't be finding any lumps.

I've just moved to NYC so I had to find a doctor, that was fun. I found a breast surgeon and made the appointment to see her. When I saw her she told me that she thought is was scar tissue around my "flap". See the reconstruction I had was called a DEIP Tram Flap. This is when they take your belly fat and construct the fat into breasts and then take part of your stomach muscle (tram flap) to keep the new breasts alive. The doctor also told me that if I was to have a recurrence that now would be the time but she reassured me that it was probably scar tissue.

So a week later I go for my mammogram and ultrasound. This is when the obsession of the nipple began.

The woman taking my mammogram had me put nipple stickers on me because it was easier for her define the breast in the films. OK that's fine. But no, she had to take it further. She says to me, "Oh, I see you haven't finish your reconstruction." I have to admit I was caught off guard. I was like what? No, I'm finished. I've chosen to not have my nipples added and tattoos. Like this is any of her business!

Next I'm off to get my ultrasound. While doing the ultrasound the technician asks me the same question. What the hell is every one's obsession with nipples?

I have decided at this time in my life that I do not want to have nipples and the tattoos. I feel like I have been through enough with my cancercrapness journey. I'm done being poked and prodded.

I feel like tattoos and nipples are not going to make me whole again. The simple truth is that I will never be whole again.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Meeting My New Oncologist




Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Current mood: Emotionally drained

Well today I had an appointment to meet with my new oncologist. It's been hard since moving to NYC to find new doctors.

I hate having to relive everything. It's weird sometimes I can talk about my cancercrapness journey and not get emotional and other times I cry. I hate crying in front of the doctors, I feel like it makes me look weak. Then of course the doctor wants to make sure you are OK and asks if you have a good support group and if your family is supportive. Yes, Yes and Yes! "Enough already!" is what I want to say.

She wants to do blood work to check to see my Estrogen levels. My cancer was ER/PR and HER2 positive so I guess that makes sense. I have to admit I'm a little scared. Anytime they do blood work I get nervous, just hoping they don't find anything "new" shall we say.

We also discussed having my port removed. I have mixed emotions on that one. A part of me wants my port to stay because I know in the future with tests and everything someone will need to get blood from me and that alone can be a procedure. I have a lovely scar on my arm to remind me of that. On the other hand having my port taken out gets me closer to the end of my cancercrapness journey. That has a nice sound to it.

There is a line in the Livestrong manifesto that I love...It reads, Cancer may leave your body, but it never leaves your life. How true is that?

Thursday, January 1, 2009

Thank you Dr. Slamon













Sunday, January 1, 2009

Current mood: Very Thankful

Happy New Year!


Last night I watched a movie on Lifetime called Living Proof.

Living Proof is the true story of oncologist and researcher Dr. Dennis Slamon, the UCLA doctor who helped develop the breast cancer drug Herceptin, and his effort to keep the drug trials afloat. His inspiring journey shows the sacrifices he makes in his personal life and the obstacles that he faces to get the drug approved. Thousands of lives have been saved because of his dedication. (Based on Robert Bazell’s book "HER-2".)

This movie has special meaning and really hits home for me. I was diagnosed with HER-2 positive breast cancer March 8, 2007.

As I watched this movie, of course I cried but I also learned new facts about how Herceptin was created and it was amazing to watch the struggle Dr. Slamon went through to get this drug approved.

I have the utmost respect for those brave women who helped with the clinical trials to get Herceptin FDA approved.

I also look at the company Revlon in a new way. Just when Dr. Slamon was down and out and almost out of money, Revlon donated over 2 million dollars to help him continue his amazing work.

This movie was a real eye opener for me. Without Herceptin I don't know where I would be today. If I was diagnosed 20 years earlier, what would my outcome have been?

It's weird because when I was first diagnosed, the doctor's asked if I wanted to participate in clinical trials and I was like NO WAY! That would be just too scary for me. But without the brave people that do participate in clinical trials, we would be, no where. So thank you to all who try to help these amazing doctors.

Herceptin first received FDA approval in September 1998 for use in metastatic breast cancer, as a first-line therapy in combination with paclitaxel and as a single agent in second- and third-line therapy. In clinical trials of patients with HER-2 positive metastatic breast cancer, Herceptin, in combination with chemotherapy (paclitaxel), was the first anti-HER-2 agent to demonstrate an improvement in survival in a Phase III study. In December 2001, Genentech received FDA approval to include, in the product label, data that showed an improved median overall survival for women with HER2-positive metastatic breast cancer treated initially with Herceptin and chemotherapy, compared to chemotherapy alone (median 25.1 months compared to 20.3 months).

In 2005, the results of four clinical trials showed that Herceptin is also effective in the treatment of early-stage breast cancer that overexpresses HER–2. In all four studies, women who received Herceptin and chemotherapy lived longer and had significantly less chance of the breast cancer coming back than patients who received chemotherapy alone.

In the NewsNews Review
Survival Increased in Early Stage Breast Cancer After Herceptin-Chemotherapy Treatment
Posted Date: 12/15/2006
Faculty: Dennis Slamon, M.D., Ph.D.

Combining the molecularly targeted therapy Herceptin with chemotherapy in women with early stage breast cancer significantly improves disease-free survival for patients with a specific genetic mutation that results in very aggressive disease, a top UCLA researcher reported Thursday.

Dr. Dennis Slamon, whose laboratory and clinical research lead to the development of Herceptin, reported results of the Phase III study of more than 3,200 women Thursday at the 29th annual San Antonio Breast Cancer Symposium.

The three-armed study compared the standard therapy of Adriamycin and Carboplatin followed by Taxotere (ACT), an experimental regimen of Adriamycin and Carboplatin followed by Taxotere and one year of Herceptin (ACTH), and an experimental regimen of Taxotere and Carboplatin with one year of Herceptin (TCH).

The study tested Herceptin with and without Adriamycin, an anthracycline commonly used to treat breast cancer but one that, when paired with Herceptin, can cause permanent heart damage. Researchers wanted to determine whether they could provide a therapy as effective as ACTH without the resulting cardiac problems. The study, Slamon said, showed that the women who did not receive Adriamycin did just as well as those who did, and they experienced a five-fold decrease in significant heart toxicities compared to those who got Adriamycin. Also, some women in the ACTH arm developed leukemias, while none of the women on the non-Adriamycin arm did, Slamon said.

"This study demonstrates unequivocally that the best treatment for early stage HER-2 positive breast cancer is obtained with a non-anthracycline regimen, TCH, that avoids the significant cardiac damage found when Adriamycin is used with Herceptin," said Slamon, director of clinical/translational research at UCLA's Jonsson Cancer Center. "This trial should impact the way early stage breast cancer is treated, with TCH being considered the preferred option."

Herceptin is effective in women with HER-2 positive breast cancer, about one in four diagnosed with the disease every year or about 250,000 women annually worldwide. HER-2 positive breast cancer is more aggressive, results in a poorer prognosis and shorter survival times, said Slamon, who discovered the link between HER-2 positivity and aggressive breast cancer in 1987.

Conducted by the Breast Cancer International Research Group (BCIRG), the study enrolled 3,222 women with early stage breast cancer between April 2001 and March 2004. Patients were randomized to one of the three arms. Slamon's report is the second interim analysis at a three-year median follow-up of the study data.

The study shows a survival advantage for patients in the Herceptin-containing arms, with 92 percent of patients on ACTH and 91 percent of patients on TCH still alive at four years compared to 86 percent in the ACT arm. Risk of death was reduced by 40 percent among patients in the ACTH arm and 33 percent in the TCH arm, Slamon said.

The study's primary endpoint was disease-free survival, but it also measured overall survival, safety, including cardiac toxicities, pathologic and molecular markers and quality of life.

"Now we know we can provide a very effective therapy for women with early stage breast cancer that reduces by five times the risk of heart damage," Slamon said. "And we've shown that women with HER-2 positive early stage breast cancer benefit from Herceptin therapy in that it significantly improves their disease-free survival times."

Herceptin/Avastin Study Results Revealed

Also presented at the San Antonio Breast Cancer Symposium were results of a promising Phase II study that combined two molecularly targeted therapies to treat advanced breast cancer without using conventional chemotherapy.

The study, done at UCLA's Jonsson Cancer Center and in an affiliated network of oncology offices, tested Herceptin with the angiogenesis inhibitor Avastin, which cuts off the independent blood supply that a tumor creates to help it grow and spread.

The study enrolled 37 women with breast cancer that had spread to other organs, the hardest type to treat effectively. Results indicate that 83.8 percent showed a clinical response, Slamon said, meaning their tumors completely disappeared, shrunk in size by more than 50 percent or remained stable - meaning their cancers didn't progress.

"This represents the next generation of studies we're trying to develop at UCLA, which take chemotherapy completely out of the picture," Slamon said. "This is the first study that takes us in that direction and we think we may be ready to try this in the adjuvant setting. These responses are as good as anything we've seen in this group of patients, even with our best chemotherapies."

UCLA's Jonsson Comprehensive Cancer Center comprises more than 240 researchers and clinicians engaged in disease research, prevention, detection, control, treatment and education. One of the nation's largest comprehensive cancer centers, the Jonsson center is dedicated to promoting research and translating basic science into leading-edge clinical studies. In July 2006, the Jonsson Cancer Center was named the best cancer center in California by U.S. News & World Report, a ranking it has held for seven consecutive years.

And the Herceptin story may extend beyond breast cancer, since some other cancers also have too much HER-2. Clinical tests with Herceptin are either under way or planned for ovarian, gastric, endometrial, salivary gland, non-small cell lung, pancreatic, prostate and colorectal cancers. And with several other HER-2 blockers also under development, the full story of this designer drug remains to be written.

Thank you Dr. Slamon and continued success in your effort to find a way to help cancer survivors like myself.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Pinktober is FINALLY over!



Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Current mood: Emotionally Exhausted!


Well I survived another October and seeing PINK everywhere.

I am breast cancer survivor and I get the whole breast cancer awareness but everything does not need to be pink to get the message across.

I don't need pink measuring cups so every time I cook I am reminded of my cancer. OK who are we kidding I don't cook but that's not the point. I think we have gone way overboard with making everything pink.

Pink isn't pretty for me. Pink reminds me of a time in my life that I would rather forget. It brings me back to chemo and being sick and bald and losing a part of myself. That's not pretty!

I watched a movie last week on Lifetime called "Matters of Life and Dating". It came out last year but I was in the middle of my battle and wasn't ready to see movies about breast cancer. I started watching the movie and debated about changing the station but I'm glad I stuck with it. I swear the movie was written about me. It was scary. The movie is about a young woman who gets diagnosed with Stage I breast cancer and needs a mastectomy. She's single and it shows how she deals with dating after her surgery. It also shows the emotional roller coaster she rides. As I watched this movie, I cried and couldn't believe the similarities. Kudos to the writers of this movie. They really got it right.

I still can't believe next month is going to be the one year anniversary of my surgery. It's still hard to see myself in the mirror and I'm reminded every day of my scars when I put on my body lotion. The scars are fading but the emotions are still very raw.

I guess the point is that I don't need pink products to be reminded of breast cancer. I'm living with it every day.

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Christina Applegate has cancer



Sunday August 24, 2008

Current mood: Sad to see another join the Sisterhood of Breast Cancer


Last week we all heard the devasting news that Christina Applegate had breast cancer. Not much information was released at that time. She did an interview with Robin Roberts, who is also a breast cancer survivor on ABC. I watched the clip from the interview and have read several articles about Christina's story.

I know it sounds weird, and I don't even know Christina, but I feel a bond with her. I can relate to her story and know how it feels to have to make that horrific decision....do I take a healthy breast to prevent the cancer from coming back.

I had a bi-lateral mastectomy back in November of 2007. Making that decision was a difficult one. I also was tested for the BRAC gene. See I have no family history. My Mom was adopted, so I didn't know at the time if Breast Cancer ran in our family. The results for the test took about 3-4 weeks. They were long, sleepless weeks! The good news is I tested negative for the gene. Thank God!

In the time that I was waiting for those results, I had made my decision. I was taking the healthy breast too. My cancer was very aggressive! My tumor was 6 cm. That's huge! They estimated that the tumor was probably growing in me for about 2 years. The way the tumor was growing there was no way for me to feel it until it got to this size. It was growing up and in me, away from the surface where you would be able to detect it with a self breast exam. My cancer was also ER/PR positive and HER2 positive. I remember Dr. L saying she was stumped with my results. She had never seen someone with all three positive. HER2 positive makes up only 25% of breast cancer cases. Lucky me. With the results in all being positive, it made my decision a no brainer. I knew I didn't want to be back in another 20+ years fighting breast cancer again. I wanted to be done with it!

It's weird cause when I told my friends and family about my decision, they were all relieved. They were glad I was taking an aggressive approach and said that is what they wanted me to do but didn't know how to tell me.

Sometimes people ask me, if I have any regrets. The answer is NO. Taking the healthy breast was in my mind the right thing to do.

I wish Christina all the best in her cancercrapness journey.

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

I'm Done!


Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Current mood: Elated!

Well today was my last treatment. My emotions were all over the place today and still are as I write this.

Of course I'm thrilled that my treatment is over, but sad to have to say good-bye to my chemo nurse, Helen.

It has been a long journey with many highs and lows and even some low lows. But I survived! Wow, let me say that again, I survived!

As I got my final treatment today there was another woman in the room getting hers as well. We exchanged greetings and she visited with her husband and I did my usual, buried myself in my People magazine. A little later, another woman entered the room with a friend. She sat in the recliner next to me. We exchanged smiles and said hello. Her chemo nurse came over and explained everything to her. I knew by the conversation that it was her first treatment. As her chemo nurse started the IV, the woman began to cry. It brought tears to my eyes. I had been there, I knew how scary the first treatment can be. You could tell she was embarrassed. The other woman getting treatment reassured her that it was going be OK and to just let it out. I smiled and said the same thing to her. I even told her that I had cried the whole entire time, my first treatment.

My first treatment seems so long ago, June 25, 2007. What a day. First I had to have my port surgically implanted. That was fun. I had to be at the hospital for 6 am. After my surgery, they wheeled me down to the Cancer Center. I remember sitting in the waiting room, looking at all the sick people. Was I really one of them? When they called my name, I went into the treatment room. My Dad came with me to keep me company. I remember the nurse explaining everything to me. I could hear her words but nothing was registering, I was scared shitless. After she hooked everything up and had left I started flipping through some magazines. I was literally just flipping the pages. I had no idea what I was looking at, everything was cloudy from my tears. I cried the whole entire 2 hours that I was there. And that's not even the worst part. The worst part was that this little old lady sitting across from me getting her treatment stared at me the entire time. I couldn't believe it, I still to this day can't believe it. I'm not sure why she stared. Was it the fact that she had never seen a person scared and crying or was it the fact that I was younger? Whatever it was, I didn't appreciate it. When my treatment was over I remember making my next appointment in Avon, which is a satellite office. I was never returning to that hospital and cancer center ever again! I walked so fast out of there, my Dad could barely keep up. Across the street to the parking garage I headed.

When we got home, my Dad wanted to stay and make sure I was OK. My stomach was queasy so I ate some crackers. At the time I wasn't sure if I was hungry or if it was nausea. That is something I never really learned. The difference between hunger pains and nausea pain. I later learned that night, that is was nausea. It sucked! I couldn't even tell you the last time I threw up. YUK! Welcome to chemo.

My first 4 chemos were the hardest. The nausea was unbearable. I was on three different meds for it and still popped Ativan like it was going out of style. WOW! Looking back is scary.

Losing my hair was one of the hardest things. I really thought I was going to be OK with it until it happened. At first I could see my hair all around the house and on my pillows in the morning. But the worst was the day I was in the shower and washing my hair and seeing the water rise in the tub and not realizing at the time that it was my hair clogging the drain. I remember running my hand across the drain and scooping up what looked like a brillo pad of hair. I started crying, you know that cry where you can't catch your breath and you think you are going to hyperventilate, that was the cry. And of course facing the mirror as I got out of the shower was fun too. That moment is when it hit me. I had cancer.

Well here I am today, still here and with a new head of hair.

Today at the end of treatment as my IV pump beeped, I started to get a little teary eyed. As my chemo nurse headed toward me and started to take the IV out, she said the famous words she always says, "take a deep breath" as she pulls the needle out of my port. Today I told her, that was going to be the last time she was going to have to say that to me. We both laughed. She gave me a huge hug and I thanked her for making my day a little brighter on my days of chemo, when I usually was in a bad mood.

I'm glad to have this chapter in my life come to an end.

And I thank everyone for helping to support me through my Cancer Crapness Journey.

I love each and every one of you!

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Cancer takes a Beloved Man In Pinstripes...




Sunday, July 13, 2008

Current mood: Sad

I learned yesterday after the Yankees game that Bobby Murcer lost his battle with cancer. Upon hearing this news, I started to cry. I love Bobby Murcer. I'm a little too young to remember him as a player but I do remember him as a tv broadcaster. He was one of my favorites. I loved his stories about his playing days and admired his knowledge of the game. He was fun and had an amazing smile. I'm going to miss that smile.

I've been watching the YES network and seeing all the players comment on the life of Bobby Murcer and how he touched them and the same things keep coming up. He was a genuine person who cared about you and always was positive and had a smile on his face.

Why does Cancer have to be so cruel? Why does it have to take such a great person? Just why?

From the Yes Network:
Former Yankee great Murcer dies at 62
NEW YORK — Bobby Murcer, a personable, popular five-time All-Star who went on to a successful broadcasting career with the New York Yankees, died Saturday after a battle with brain cancer. He was 62.

After experiencing a general lack of energy, Murcer was diagnosed with a tumor on Christmas Eve 2006, undergoing surgery at the University of Texas M.D. Anderson Cancer Center in Houston. Pathology reports later revealed the tumor to be malignant.

After being diagnosed, Murcer commented in an upbeat spirit, thanking fans for their prayers and warm wishes -- many of which were delivered in the form of letters and e-mails directly to his hospital bed.

"My heart remains true to Yankees fans," Murcer said on Jan. 24. "I've always believed you're the very best in baseball. It's your steadfast spirit that keeps me feeling so optimistic."

Born May 20, 1946, in Oklahoma City, Okla., Murcer played in the Major Leagues for 17 seasons, including making four All-Star appearances with the Yankees.
A lifetime .277 batter, Murcer hit 252 home runs and drove in 1,043 runs in 1,908 Major League games with the Yankees, San Francisco Giants and Chicago Cubs.

He was the only Yankee to play with both Mickey Mantle and Don Mattingly, and was arguably the franchise's most popular player of the era immediately following Mantle's retirement after the 1968 season.
Murcer was hailed as another Mantle when he emerged from the Yankees' system in the mid-1960s. Both players were signed out of Oklahoma as shortstops by the same scout, Tom Greenwade, prompting comparisons.

As history shows, Murcer could not match comparisons to the Hall of Famer's lofty credentials, but he assembled an admirable Major League career.

One of his best seasons came in 1971, when Murcer led the American League with a .427 on-base percentage and ranked second in the circuit with a career-high .331 batting average.

After struggling with adjustments to Shea Stadium, where the Yankees played in 1974 and 1975 while Yankee Stadium was being renovated, Murcer was traded to the Giants in 1975 for outfielder Bobby Bonds.

He would be dealt to the Cubs in 1977, only to return and finish his career with the Yankees from 1979 through 1983.
Perhaps Murcer's most memorable moment came on Aug. 6, 1979, in the wake of Yankees captain Thurman Munson's untimely death in a plane crash.

Munson and Murcer had been close friends. As the Yankees returned to New York from Munson's funeral service in Ohio, manager Billy Martin suggested that Murcer -- who had delivered a moving eulogy for the catcher -- sit out that evening's game against the Baltimore Orioles.

Murcer disagreed, telling Martin that something was telling him to play, and that he did not feel tired. Dedicating his performance to Munson, Murcer drove in all of New York's runs in a 5-4 victory, slugging a three-run homer and a game-winning two-run single.

Murcer was also just the fourth Yankee to hit home runs in four consecutive at-bats, joining Lou Gehrig, Johnny Blanchard and Mantle.

For most of the last 24 years, Murcer had worked as a Yankees broadcaster, winning three Emmy awards for live sports coverage.

Murcer worked as a radio color analyst from 1983-85 before moving to television as a commentator in 1987, and also served as the Yankees' assistant general manager in 1986.

He helped the baseball family immensely through his efforts as chairman of the Baseball Assistance Team, which raises funds for former players who have fallen on hard times. Murcer was also the president of the Oklahoma City 89ers Minor League baseball club in the mid-1980s.

Murcer is survived by his wife, Kay, and two children, Tori and Todd.

Monday, July 7, 2008

Leaving the Doctor's Office doing cartwheels!



Monday, July 7, 2008

Current mood: Relieved

Well, today I had my 3 month follow up ultrasound. I have to admit I was scared shitless sitting in the waiting room first thing this morning. My appointment was at 8:30 and I was the first to arrive. Then came a woman and her husband. She looked like she was about to burst, she was pregnant. I thought to myself, here it comes, all the happy pregnant women and me, the scared shitless girl praying her cancer has not come back. I have come to hate that waiting room.

The results came back normal. The doctor did not see a "spot of interest" on this ultrasound. I asked what the spot could have been and where did it go? She said it was probably a cyst and it went away. I was confused. She explained that good cysts go away on their own and bad cysts stay and depending on what they do, they need to be taken care of.

Thank God my cyst was good!

I am getting one step closer to reclaiming my life. I have my herceptin treatement tomorrow and then I only have 2 more and then I am FREE! By the time my birthday roles around in September, I should be free of all my treatments and crap. Well, I still have to take tamoxifin for another 4 1/2 years, but that's a pill so we won't count that. It sure beats herceptin which I need every 3 weeks through an iv and it takes 90 minutes and takes me back to my chemo days...YUK!

One day at a time....

Sunday, July 6, 2008

Bald is Beautiful!!!




Sunday, July 6, 2008

Current mood: Tickled Pink

The funniest thing happened to me yesterday at work. One of the team sports associates came up to me and said he saw me on tv. I'm thinking, What? It couldn't have been me. He told me I was bald and if it wasn't for my glasses he wouldn't have thought it was me. I laughed and said I did an interview for some students at South Windsor High back in October at a Breast Cancer Walk.

So I went on line and looked up Student News on the Fox 61 website and laughed when I found the clip.

It seems so long ago that I did that walk and look at me with NO HAIR. Too funny :)

Bald is Beautiful!

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

My Women and Cancer Magazine Interview






Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Current mood: Honored

I just wanted to share with everyone. I was interviewed by Women and Cancer Magazine a while ago. The article is called A Place Of Their Own...Adolescent And Young Adult Oncology.

My little blurb is on the last page. I feel so honored to be a part of this article.

I truly believe that your cancer experience is what you make it and reaching out for support is key. I found a fabulous organization called I'm too young for this or i2y. It is a group geared toward the young adult cancer survivor under the age of 40. I have met some great people and have come to love these people I now call my "cancer friends". Matthew Zachary is the founder of i2y and is a pioneer in helping to end the isolation that many young adult cancer survivor's like myself feel.

Check out the i2y website at http://www.i2y.com/

Here is the link for the article. http://downloads.i2y.com/womenandcancer.pdf

If you would like a copy of the magazine, you can find it at Barnes and Noble or you can go to http://www.womenandcancermag.com/

Enjoy!

Sunday, June 22, 2008

I miss my Mommy!

Sunday, June 22, 2008

Current mood: Sad and Lonely


It's seems like all I do lately is cry. I could cry at the drop of a hat.

I think it all started last week when my brother Dean got married. It was an event in our families lives and my Mom wasn't there to share it.

Dean wanted me to light a Memory Candle for her as part of the wedding ceremony. It took all my strength to hold it together as I lit the candle. I miss her so much and I know she was there in spirit.

I know my brother misses her too. I know he would have wanted to dance with her and I know she would have wanted the same. My Mom and brother were extremely close, let's just say he was a Momma's boy. I had the honor of dancing with my brother and I chose the song "My Wish" by Rascal Flatts. I cried like a complete baby while we danced. He was on the verge of tears as well, so he started cracking jokes and eventually I calmed down and then we laughed. I'm sure my Mom was watching and was proud.

But sometimes I get mad, I want her here with me. I want her to see all my accomplishments and I wanted her to be there for Dean on his wedding day. I tried my best to keep it together for my brother. I needed to be strong. I guess that's the role of the older sibling, but sometimes that role can really SUCK!

I guess I'm just emotionally drained. I have a great deal on my plate right now. I'm in the process of relocating and starting a new job. I'm excited but scared too. It's a big move! I just wish my Mom was here to help me stay calm and reassure me that everything is going to be OK.

I know you can see me Mom and I know you are all around me.....just know that I love and miss you very much.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

My Wish for Dean



Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Current mood: Proud to be Dean's sister

The first time I heard this song by Rascal Flatts, I knew it was the song I wanted to dance to with my brother at his wedding. The words are so powerful and so true. I wish him all the best in everything he does.

This past Saturday, my brother Dean got married. It was a beautiful wedding and he married a beautiful woman named Jennifer.

My Wish
By Rascal Flatts

I hope the days come easy and moments pass slow
And each road leads you where you want to go
And if you're faced with a choice, and you have to choose
I hope you choose the one that means the most to you
And if one door opens to another door closed
I hope you keep on walkin' till you find the window
If it's cold outside, show the world the warmth of your smile
But more than anything, more than anything

My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to
Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small
You never need to carry more than you can hold
And while you're out there gettin’ where you're gettin’ to
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too
Yeah, this is my wish

I hope you never look back, but ya never forget
All the ones who love you, and the place you left
I hope you always forgive, and you never regret
And you help somebody every chance you get
Oh, you find God's grace, in every mistake
And always give more than you take.
But more than anything, yeah more than anything

My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to
Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small
You never need to carry more than you can hold
And while you're out there gettin’ where you're gettin’ to
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too
Yeah, this is my wish

I love you Dean!

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Total B.S.!

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Current mood: Outraged!


You are not going to believe this one. I am so outraged that I'm actually speechless. You have to read the following news story about a woman who got fired for shaving her head for charity.

Waitress loses job after shaving head for cancer charity
Ontario woman's father died of disease

A 36-year-old waitress at an Owen Sound, Ont., restaurant lost her job this week after she shaved her head to raise money for a cancer charity.

Stacey Fearnall said it was a 'pretty easy thing' to shave her head to raise money for cancer research, but was stunned when her boss fired her over it. (CBC)Stacey Fearnall raised more than $2,700 for the charity Cops for Cancer, a local fundraiser for cancer research.

Then the 36-year-old waitress at Nathaniels restaurant was laid off when she showed up for work earlier this week with her newly shorn look.

Up until a week ago, Fearnall had long red locks, but she said she made the decision to have her head shaved because she has a friend battling cancer and she lost her father to the disease.

"I felt like this was a pretty easy thing for me to do to raise money to help people," she told CBC News on Thursday.

She said she told her bosses what she was planning to do, but when she arrived at work at the restaurant practically bald, she said they sent her home and told her she wasn't welcome back.

"'We'll call it a layoff.' That's what he said," Fearnall said her boss told her. "'Spend the summer with your kids.' I call it losing my job."

Nathaniels owner and chef Dan Hilliard issued a statement late Thursday saying Fearnall did not advise him that she was planning to shave her head.

'I have worked for fine dining restaurants before and have never heard of someone with a bald head not being able to be a server. Does this mean that bald men shouldn't serve?'
--Mandi Lee

"Mr. Hilliard had indicated that this is an employer-employee matter and such matters are not to be dealt with in the public," the statement said.

Her dismissal has already provoked an outcry from some in the community.

"You have to express yourself with your wallet," George Brechin said. "I won't be eating there in the future."

'It's not hurting anybody'

Rowena Pinto, spokeswoman for the Canadian Cancer Society, told CBC News her organization has never heard of something like this happening before in relation to any of its fundraising events.

"We want to underline that it's supporters like Stacey that enable us to carry out our mission," Pinto said.

Fearnall might have grounds to sue on the basis of gender discrimination, said Barbara Hall, chief commissioner of the Ontario Human Rights Commission. Hall noted that bald men work at restaurants.

"If something were acceptable if done by a man but not by a woman, then there might be a basis for a complaint," she told CBC News.

Fearnall said she isn't sure if she wants to sue, but she doesn't think she did anything wrong.
"I think it's for a good cause," she said. "It's not hurting anybody and it doesn't affect my ability to work."

She said she is working at a new part-time job where her boss loves her new look and has offered her extra shifts.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Dream Big!




Thursday, May 22,2008

Current mood: Excited!

I am so excited that David Cook won American Idol! The video is of him singing one his songs at the finale. It's called Dream Big. I think the song is very appropriate for him and where he is in his life.

But that message needs to be passed around and EVERYONE needs to Dream Big. We all need to chase our dreams. I learned that this past year after fighting cancer. Every day is precious and we have to embrace every opportunity and chase those dreams and make them reality!

My mom once gave me a saying and it's framed and sits on my end table in my living room. It reads:

The Voice of Adventure

There is a rawness and a wonder to life. Pursue it. Hunt for it. Sell out to get it. Don't listen to the whines of those who have settled for a second rate life and want you to do the same so they won't feel guilty. Your goal is not to live long; it's to live. Jesus says the options are clear. On one side there is the voice of safety. You can build a fire in the hearth, stay inside, and stay warm and dry and safe...Or you can hear the voice of adventure, God's Adventure. Instead of building a fire in your hearth, build a fire in your heart. Follow God's impulses. Adopt a child. Move overseas. Teach the class. Change careers. Run for office. Make a difference. Sure it isn't safe, but what is?

Right now I'm chasing my dream. Anyone who knows me, knows I love NYC and after fighting cancer last year I said, you know what?, I'm going to chase my dream! So I started applying for jobs in NYC and after June 4th (I go for a 2nd interview) my dream may be my reality. Keep your fingers crossed for me...

So Dream BIG! and chase your dream and make it your reality!

Congrats to Jon Lester!


Thursday, May 22, 2008

Current mood: Inspired


OK, Anyone who knows me knows I love my Andy Pettitte and the New York Yankees...yes in that order. But as a young adult cancer survivor, I find myself rooting for other young adult cancer survivors as they accomplish great things. So for today, I guess I could be a Red Sox fan.....What! Did I say that? Let's face it, that will never happen! But I am a Jon Lester fan. Congrats to Jon on his no hitter.


Lester's No-Hitter Inspires Cancer Survivors
Less Than Two Years After Lymphoma, Jon Lester Makes History
By AUDREY GRAYSONABC News Medical Unit May 21, 2008

When Boston Red Sox pitcher Jon Lester took the mound for Monday night's game against the Kansas City Royals, 12-year-old Wil Vaillancourt of Marblehead, Mass., at first, could not be bothered to watch. Engrossed in his computer game, Vaillancourt only glanced at the television periodically to see the score.

Wil Vaillancourt, left, and Matthew Lowney, right, are two of the cancer survivors who were inspired by Red Sox pitcher Jon Lester's no-hitter on Monday.

But midway through the televised game, when Lester appeared poised to pitch a no-hitter, Wil's father, Quin, mentioned nonchalantly, "You know, Jon Lester is a cancer survivor."

Wil was enraptured. But his reasons for pulling for Lester may have been even more personal than those of the thousands of fans that crowded Fenway Park that night.

Wil has leukemia. For him, watching Lester pitch his way into the history books was particularly inspiring.

"I was surprised that [Lester] did have cancer, seeing how good he was pitching," Wil said. "I was surprised how he could be doing that."

The 24-year-old Lester, who sat out the end of the 2006 season and returned to the team last year after completing treatment, held the Royals to no hits in a 7-0 win.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

How A Simple Smile Can Make Someone's Day :)


Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Current mood: Happy

The nicest thing happened to me today and I want to share it with everyone and hopefully this message will get passed along...

My message is simply....smile. A smile can go along way and for me it has. A complete stranger smiled at me today and it so made my day!

I went to NYC today and on the train ride home, while I was standing ready to exit the train as we approached Stamford, I noticed a man look at my necklace. He then looked up and as our eyes met he gave me a smile. Why is this a big deal? It's a big deal because I wear a breast cancer survivor necklace. His smile meant so much to me.

In the past people would stare at me and it used to PISS ME OFF! They would stare at my bald head and make me feel like crap. Even as my hair grew back, I still got stares. I'm happy to say today that I just look like I have a short hair cut and no longer look like a chemo patient.

Now if people wanted to stare and then smile at me, that would have been OK. But that never happened.

I guess my point is that a simple gesture such as smiling at someone can really make a difference...

So to the man on 3:38 pm train from NYC to Stamford, I say Thank You for making my day!

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Celebrating Livestrong Day



Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Current mood: feeling blessed


Today was Livestrong Day and it was the best day ever!

For one thing it was a beauuuutiful day. Sunny, not a cloud in the sky and there was a light breeze and the temperature was around 70. Can’t ask for anything better than that!

The other thing that made the day so wonderful was that I didn’t have any doctors appointments or didn’t need my "every 3 week" treatment. How sweet is that! A day to do NOTHING, that doesn’t happen very often for me and I took full advantage.

Instead I got to spend the day doing what I wanted for a change! I spent the afternoon with my close friend Danielle. We shopped and ate lunch and just did what good friends do....gossip and catch up on our lives. She just had a baby, so I got to spend time with him as well. Now anyone who knows me, knows I'm not a baby person, but I have to admit he is a cutie! We even joked about how we timed things wrong. Here she was out on maternity leave and I just returned to work. We laughed and agreed it would have been dangerous if we were both out at the same time. We'd be poor and 400 lbs.


This evening I met another friend for dinner. And yes, we gossipped and caught up on our lives as well. My friend Sue is like a second Mom. She is always there for me when I need her and is always willing to listen to me whether it's just bitching about something or giving me great advice, she's always there and I love her for that.


I think I did a good job today "living strong". I enjoyed myself and shared my day with two very important people in my life.


Isn't that what life is all about?...

Come Out and Support Young Adult Cancer Survivors!


Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Current mood: content


Celebrate stupid cancer in style! Survivors, friends and family, please join us for our 2nd Annual signature 'stupid cancer happy hour' social networking event in NYC. Complemantary cocktails, drink specials, chemo dancing, DJ survivors, special guests, raffles and door prizes. Come one come all. Stupid cancer. Survivors rule!
For additional information, visit http://gala.i2y.com/
If you cannot attend, please consider making a donation in any amount at http://give.i2y.com/. Rock on!

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

David M. Bailey Is Coming To Connecticut!





Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Current mood: Excited!!

I am so excited! I got an invitation the other day in the mail from Hartford Hospital inviting their cancer patients, family and friends to a party called Celebrate Life. Now I have to admit I usually don't like going to these things but when I saw who was going to be the featured guest, I said, "I'm there!"

David M. Bailey is going to be the featured guest. He is a singer, songwriter and also a young adult cancer survivor like myself. I first heard his music on the i2y benefit cd. The first song on the cd is his called One More Day.

The words to this song are so powerful. Here they are:

Don't let the grass grow beneath your busy feet
Don't let the grass grow above you when you rest
You've got one more day to get to where you're going
One more day to give your very best
Don't let the clouds forever block your sunshine
Don't let the sunshine blind you on your way
You might have years of tears put behind you
But right now you've got one more day
One more day when you can hold your children
One more day you can hold your wife
One more day when you can watch the grass grow
One more day when you can live your life
Don't let the cynics tell you they know better
better yet, don't let them talk to you at all
You've got one more day to prove that they know nothing
One more day to find your private call
Don't let your loved ones ever doubt your passion
Don't let your passion ever start to fade
I know how it feels to be so frightened
But right now, you've got one more day
One more day, when you can hold your children.....

I love this song! This song and all the other one's on the i2y benefit cd are so powerful. What also makes this cd so awesome is that all the songs are performed by young adult cancer survivors or ones touched by cancer in their lives. You can check it out at the i2y website, www.i2y.com Cancer Survivors Rule!

If you are in the Hartford area and want to come to the event. The details are as follows:

Celebrate Life
Hartford Hospital Cancer Program's Annual Celebration of Life for patients, friends and family
Featured guest will be David M. Bailey. As a singer and songwriter David will entertain and move you with his stories and songs of growing up as the son of a missionary family in Beruit, his life in Europe and his ten year survival from a brain tumor that changed the purpose and course of his life. The Master of ceremonies will be Scot Haney, WFSB weather personality and host of Better Connecticut. Scot's mother Marlene, will offer her survival story along with anecdotes on raising Scot. Live entertainment provided by Screamin' Eagles Jazz Band from Pratt & Whitney. A light lunch will be provided. This event is free and is being held at the The Learning Corridor, which is directly across the street from Hartford Hospital. RSVP by Friday, May 23, 2008 at 860-545-1888 or 1-800-545-7664. Directions and parking info. will be provided when you RSVP.

I will so be there, and I hope you will be there too!

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

The Results Are In...


Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Current mood: Relieved

Well I just got my pathology report back yesterday from my colposcopy and everything came back benign. What a relief, for the lack of a better word! The doctor doesn’t know what caused my abnormal cells. They think it is probably caused by the chemo. Damn chemo!

I also had to have an ultrasound of my ovaries. Now that was quite an experience. Here I am sitting in the waiting room, full of women who are all happy and excited to have their ultrasounds. Of course they’re happy, they’re pregnant. And here I am scared shitless, praying there is nothing wrong with my ovaries and I'm not having a recurrence of my cancer.

The ultrasound was shall we say, invasive. I know I have mentioned this before, but I am so sick of being pocked and prodded. Well the results came back OK. My doctor did find an area on my left ovary that is a “spot” of interest. She’s not sure what it is, but she wants to do another ultrasound in two months, just to make sure that it doesn’t get any bigger.

I’m happy, I’ll take those results! I can handle another ultrasound in two months and another Pap test in four months. I guess this is the life of a cancer survivor…

Sunday, May 4, 2008

Sending My Mother’s Day Wishes to Heaven


Sunday, May 04, 2008

Current mood: sad

The picture to the left is my favorite of me and my Mom when I was a little girl.

Well next week is Mother’s Day and it seems everywhere I go now a days I see a display for Mother’s Day. You hear advertisements on the radio and see them on T.V….Don’t forget to get Mom that perfect gift for Mother’s Day. Mother’s Day is supposed to be a joyous day, right? Spend the day with Mom and tell her how much she’s appreciated. But what do you do when Mom’s gone? That’s the case for me and for me I find Mother’s Day to be a sad day. I usually keep myself preoccupied and this year I’m scheduled to work. I just feel I’m way too young to be without my Mom.

This will be my 4th Mother’s Day without Mom. I guess it has gotten easier over time. The first year was the hardest. Celebrating every holiday without her SUCKED! And I always thought that I shouldn’t be having fun, like I was supposed to be in mourning.

My Mom and I have had a rocky relationship, for the lack of a better word. When I was little everyone tells me that my Mom doted on me and that I was her little girl. But as I grew up and as time went on, this would change. See my parents were divorced when I was only 4, so I have no recollection of them being together. My Mom remarried when I was 6 or 7 and then my world changed when I turned 10, that’s when my brother entered the world.

I remember our family always being happy and then somewhere it all changed. My Step-Dad tells me it all changed after my Nana died. She was my Mom’s Mom and they were extremely close. I think they were more like sisters than Mother and Daughter. After my Nana’s death is when my Mom started getting depressed and along with that came her drinking. I never picked up on it when I was little, but as I entered High School all my Mom and I did was fight. I always thought that there was something wrong with me. I actually asked my Step-Dad after she passed away if he thought I was an “evil” child. He quickly reassured me that I was not and that it was my Mom’s alcoholism that was the root of most of our fights. Now let’s not kid anyone, I’m sure I was a typical teenager and had my little “attitude” moments, but I now know that the alcoholism magnified the fights.

Instead of dwelling on my Mom’s death and her disease; I try and remember all the good times we had, because don’t get me wrong, we did share good times.

As I get older, it just seems to hurt more and more, not to have my Mom around. I wish she was her to see all my accomplishments and share in my happy moments and even be there for me when I was going through my rough times.

Last year when I was diagnosed with cancer, I always wondered how she would react to my diagnosis. Would that have made her stop drinking, would she have been there for me? I’m sure she would have been there for me, but would she have been there sober?

I guess for those of us who have lost our Mom’s tragically, we must not dwell on the hurt but celebrate the good memories. So that is what I am doing this Mother’s Day. Celebrating and remembering the good times with Mom.

Happy Mother’s Day Mom! I love and miss you.