Motherless In Perimenopause

Date:  August 23, 2025

Current Mood:  Swinging (LOL)

So we'll start this off first by saying my oncologist is happy, my other doctors are happy, my body is happy, BUT I'm not happy.

See my body is finally starting what's called perimenopause, yeah that fun stage in a woman's life where everything gets crazy.  Hormones all over the place, mood swings, weight gain and lots of other fun crap.  Did I mention peeing yourself?  Cause that's fun too!

As a young adult breast cancer survivor FINALLY having low estrogen should be a blessing right, it means I now have a lower chance of my cancer coming back exactly where my oncologist wanted me to be 18 plus years ago but back then I fought to not take tamoxifen and to live my life without fear of a recurrence.   Fast forward and here we are.

I think what bothers me the most is I don't have that person to talk to, because let's face it, the only person you really wanna talk to at this stage in your life is your Mom.  So here I am once again really really really missing my Mom.    

So what do motherless girls like me do?  I swear there should be a support group for us.  We could call it The Motherless Perimenopause Girls Group.  It could be fun!

After my Dr’s appointment this week, I do feel a little better.  Maybe I just needed the confirmation that I was at this fun stage in my life which she believes I’ve been in for about 6 months and says may last 1-2 years.  Maybe I just needed someone to listen to me and validate how I feel and how my body is changing.

I know as a BC survivor whose cancer was estrogen fueled I can’t take the “normal” hormonal drugs that are given at this stage of life and that’s frustrating.

I do feel like I’m in a battle again with my body.  I fought her once when she tried to take me out with BC and I won and let me tell you Miss Body, I will not surrender to you this time either.

We also had a nice conversation about my cycling, which we always talk about not only because she knows it’s my passion but because her husband is also an avid cyclist, and she asked about when my symptoms started and if I had just come off of a high like a long distance bike challenge.  My answer was yes, I had.  I told her back in March I biked a Metric Century/100K at 16.9 mph and broke my own personal record.  I told her I told myself I would take a break from riding so hard and then pick up training again before my upcoming October ride.  She informed me that this may have actually hurt me.  See if your athletic she said your body needs to be kept at a consistent activity level which in turn will help balance out the hormones better.  I guess that makes sense.  So no more excuses, well except the weather, my ass needs to get back on the bike and show Miss Body who is Boss, yup that’s me I’m in control of my destiny. 

Let’s face it we all hit some sort of adversity in life and how we handle it makes all the difference.  So screw you mood swings, hot flashes, night sweats, no energy, slight depression, and wanting to eat everything full of sugar and carbs, I will win this battle too! 

18 years!!

Date:  March 8, 2025

Current Mood:  Blessed

18 Years!  Damn, sometimes it seems like just yesterday and other times it seems like a lifetime ago.

I just recently watched a video that I must have watched 100 times during my battle.  It’s the Livestrong Foundation manifesto posted in this entry.  The words of that manifesto still hang on my refrigerator today.  Those words and that video hit me to my core back then and still made me teary eyed today when I watched it. 

March 8, 2007, my D-day.    A day that would be the start of an 18 month cancer crapness journey.  Looking back can sometimes be scary and yet other times I’m super proud of myself for how I handled things AND YES, I kicked cancer’s ass.  

I’m so grateful to be here today, to have my health and especially have the opportunity to watch my 3 Beautiful Niece’s grow up.  I try so hard to have a positive outlook on life and enjoy every second whether it be with family, friends or by myself on my bike enjoying Mother Nature.

People ask me why I cycle and push myself so hard and I always say because it makes me happy but deep down I also know I do it to show my body that I’m in control now.  I feel like my body failed me once but not again, no ma’am, I’m in control now.

Sure there are still times when things scare me and I’m not sure I will ever feel completely out of the woods per say.  Any time I have a health scare I always stop and wonder if the BIG C is back and I think any cancer survivor will tell you that.  The last words of the Livestrong manifesto says, “Cancer may leave your body, but it never leaves your life.”  Those are super powerful words!

I do want to thank my family and friends who were there for me back then.  My BFF, Danielle who had my back especially on my bad days, coming over and playing skippo as we watched our NY Yankee games.  She got me out on my good days too and I still chuckle at the time she told off a lady at Walmart for staring at me and my bald head.  My new cancer friends who I met along the way, two of whom I still keep in touch with today, Shari and my Cancer Angel Cathy, I truly treasure our friendships because you two just “get it”.  My Auntie Judy who is no longer with us but was huge in my journey, for going to all my Dr appointments and taking notes while my scared mind wondered.  My Dad who patiently sat in many waiting rooms for me and especially the long waits while I was getting my chemo and then eventually having to move in with me for a short period of time to help me and help with my dog because I was just so weak.  To my new friends that I’ve met post cancer that continue to support me.  And to my new BF, Sean who loves me for me with all my scars and most of all, ALL my craziness!  I love you all!!!!!