Praying for Me

Sunday, May 31, 2009

Current Mood: Confused


OK! I'm not really sure how to approach this blog. I don't want to offend anyone but I really need to get this off my chest.

I got an email from a friend a couple of weeks ago. She wrote that her sister had lost her battle with cancer and that she prays for me everyday.

I was sad to hear about her sister but the other part of the email and praying for me just really caught me off guard.

I guess it goes back to the beginning of my cancercrapness journey when I had a nurse tell me she was going to pray for me after looking at my ultrasound. Keep in mind, I wasn't even diagnosed at this time. I was just getting my mammogram and ultrasound and was meeting with a breast surgeon later in the week.

I of course burst into tears in sheer fear that I already had cancer and was going to die. It must be true, I have a nurse praying for me already.

Those words really freaked me out then and now with this new email it's kinda freaked me out again.

I know cancer is deadly and serious but I never thought I was going to die from it.

I guess I try not to think about my cancer and what may happen in the future. Sure there is a chance of a relapse but I try not dwell on that. That's what my 6 month check ups are for, the day of anxiety and hoping for good blood work and no more tumors.

I know I have used those words and sent cards with sayings like, You're in my thoughts and prayers. So why does this freak me out so much? Is it because the praying is for me and now it brings on a totally new meaning? Maybe that's it.

I know my friend meant well in her email it's just that sometimes words and certain phrases really freak me out.

Damn Hot Flashes!

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Current mood: Tired of Sweating!


OK, let me just start off by saying one of my biggest fears has come true. I'm getting hot flashes! I feared this would happen. It is one of the lovely side affects of Tamoxifin. Fabulous!

I went to see my breast surgeon last week for my 6 month check up and she asked me how the Tamoxifin was working and I told her that I started getting hot flashes. Her response was not what I expected.

She told me that research has shown that women who get hot flashes from taking Tamoxifin have a better end result with the drug than women who don't get them. It means the drug is working.

OK, am I supposed to be happy? Yipppeee! Everytime I burst into flames, I'll just tell myself that the Tamoxifin is working. How about someone invent a portable hand held air conditioner for me.

I always feared this day would come. I remember when I was going through my treatments and the doctor warning me that some of my chemo drugs may put me into early menopause. I prayed every month that I would get my period. It's kinda funny cause my friend Danielle was trying to get pregnant at the time and she was praying for the opposite. And what about all my adolescent years spent hating my period and now I want it to come every month.

No! Don't send me into menopause, I'm too Young!

OMG! It's The Barenaked Ladies!

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Current mood: Honored


This past Monday I went to the OMG Cancer Summit, a cancer conference for young adults.

At this conference was one of band members from the Barenaked Ladies. His name is Kevin Hearn. He too is a young adult cancer survivor.

The picture I posted is of him reading from his journal, a journal he kept through his cancercrapness.

You could tell when he first got on stage and started talking that he was uncomfortable, he even admitted he hates to speak in front of people.

I felt so honored that Kevin Hearn of the Barenaked Ladies was here sharing his cancercrapness with us. He read one entry that really stuck out for me. He talked about being in his hospital bed late at night and his roommate was asleep and he could hear the sound of his chemo bag dripping. WOW! I know I have talked and even blogged about how much I HATED the sound of my chemo pump. I have something in common with Kevin Hearn.....how cool is that.....too bad it's STUPID CANCER!

He also told us that when he told his band members that he was coming to the conference, they were like, "we want to go too". I think that's awesome that the band wanted to perform for us. Here they are performing one of their hits songs One Week.

Thanks Barenaked Ladies for a great show and especially to Kevin for sharing his story.