Sunday, May 31, 2009

Praying for Me

Sunday, May 31, 2009

Current Mood: Confused


OK! I'm not really sure how to approach this blog. I don't want to offend anyone but I really need to get this off my chest.

I got an email from a friend a couple of weeks ago. She wrote that her sister had lost her battle with cancer and that she prays for me everyday.

I was sad to hear about her sister but the other part of the email and praying for me just really caught me off guard.

I guess it goes back to the beginning of my cancercrapness journey when I had a nurse tell me she was going to pray for me after looking at my ultrasound. Keep in mind, I wasn't even diagnosed at this time. I was just getting my mammogram and ultrasound and was meeting with a breast surgeon later in the week.

I of course burst into tears in sheer fear that I already had cancer and was going to die. It must be true, I have a nurse praying for me already.

Those words really freaked me out then and now with this new email it's kinda freaked me out again.

I know cancer is deadly and serious but I never thought I was going to die from it.

I guess I try not to think about my cancer and what may happen in the future. Sure there is a chance of a relapse but I try not dwell on that. That's what my 6 month check ups are for, the day of anxiety and hoping for good blood work and no more tumors.

I know I have used those words and sent cards with sayings like, You're in my thoughts and prayers. So why does this freak me out so much? Is it because the praying is for me and now it brings on a totally new meaning? Maybe that's it.

I know my friend meant well in her email it's just that sometimes words and certain phrases really freak me out.

6 comments:

Daria said...

I think we get hyper sensitive to what people say.

I think it is totally natural for you to feel uncomfortable with those phrases.

You're not alone.

adena said...

Hi: I found your blog thru the Stupid Cancer Show's website, and I love reading about your cancer crapness. You should trademark that phrase!

I, too, feel weird about the prayer thing. I wrote about it a while ago on my blog. http://adenacb.blogspot.com/2009/01/does-prayer-help.html

--Adena

Dennis Pyritz, RN said...

Open invitation to you and your readers to participate in the Being Cancer Book Club. This month we are discussing “The Last Lecture” by Randy Pausch. “...the lecture he gave ... was about the importance of overcoming obstacles, of enabling the dreams of others, of seizing every moment (because “time is all you have…and you may find one day that you have less than you think”). It was a summation of everything Randy had come to believe. It was about living.”
Monday is Book Club day; Tuesday Guest Blog and Friday Cancer News Roundup.
Also check out Cancer Blog Links containing almost 200 blog links and Cancer Resources with 230 referenced sites, both divided into disease categories.
Please accept this invitation to join our growing cancer blogging community at www.beingcancer.net
Take care, Dennis

Breast Cancer Survivor! said...

Thanks Daria and Adena for the comments, it makes me feel so much better.

Mike said...

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shelli said...

I totally know what you mean. Actually, when I went through all my treatment and stuff, and it was finally over, I really "felt" the fact that so many people had now STOPPED praying for me!

I love the name of your blog. Awesome phrase.

Can't wait to hear how your check up went.