Sunday, May 31, 2009
Current Mood: Confused
OK! I'm not really sure how to approach this blog. I don't want to offend anyone but I really need to get this off my chest.
I got an email from a friend a couple of weeks ago. She wrote that her sister had lost her battle with cancer and that she prays for me everyday.
I was sad to hear about her sister but the other part of the email and praying for me just really caught me off guard.
I guess it goes back to the beginning of my cancercrapness journey when I had a nurse tell me she was going to pray for me after looking at my ultrasound. Keep in mind, I wasn't even diagnosed at this time. I was just getting my mammogram and ultrasound and was meeting with a breast surgeon later in the week.
I of course burst into tears in sheer fear that I already had cancer and was going to die. It must be true, I have a nurse praying for me already.
Those words really freaked me out then and now with this new email it's kinda freaked me out again.
I know cancer is deadly and serious but I never thought I was going to die from it.
I guess I try not to think about my cancer and what may happen in the future. Sure there is a chance of a relapse but I try not dwell on that. That's what my 6 month check ups are for, the day of anxiety and hoping for good blood work and no more tumors.
I know I have used those words and sent cards with sayings like, You're in my thoughts and prayers. So why does this freak me out so much? Is it because the praying is for me and now it brings on a totally new meaning? Maybe that's it.
I know my friend meant well in her email it's just that sometimes words and certain phrases really freak me out.