Sunday, June 22, 2008
Current mood: Sad and Lonely
It's seems like all I do lately is cry. I could cry at the drop of a hat.
I think it all started last week when my brother Dean got married. It was an event in our families lives and my Mom wasn't there to share it.
Dean wanted me to light a Memory Candle for her as part of the wedding ceremony. It took all my strength to hold it together as I lit the candle. I miss her so much and I know she was there in spirit.
I know my brother misses her too. I know he would have wanted to dance with her and I know she would have wanted the same. My Mom and brother were extremely close, let's just say he was a Momma's boy. I had the honor of dancing with my brother and I chose the song "My Wish" by Rascal Flatts. I cried like a complete baby while we danced. He was on the verge of tears as well, so he started cracking jokes and eventually I calmed down and then we laughed. I'm sure my Mom was watching and was proud.
But sometimes I get mad, I want her here with me. I want her to see all my accomplishments and I wanted her to be there for Dean on his wedding day. I tried my best to keep it together for my brother. I needed to be strong. I guess that's the role of the older sibling, but sometimes that role can really SUCK!
I guess I'm just emotionally drained. I have a great deal on my plate right now. I'm in the process of relocating and starting a new job. I'm excited but scared too. It's a big move! I just wish my Mom was here to help me stay calm and reassure me that everything is going to be OK.
I know you can see me Mom and I know you are all around me.....just know that I love and miss you very much.