Saturday, January 24, 2009
Why is everyone so obsessed with nipples?
January 24, 2009
Current mood: Pissed!
OK, I had a scare last month. I found a lump in my left breast. I freaked out for several reasons. One being that my cancer was in my left breast and second I've had a double mastectomy a little over a year ago so I shouldn't be finding any lumps.
I've just moved to NYC so I had to find a doctor, that was fun. I found a breast surgeon and made the appointment to see her. When I saw her she told me that she thought is was scar tissue around my "flap". See the reconstruction I had was called a DEIP Tram Flap. This is when they take your belly fat and construct the fat into breasts and then take part of your stomach muscle (tram flap) to keep the new breasts alive. The doctor also told me that if I was to have a recurrence that now would be the time but she reassured me that it was probably scar tissue.
So a week later I go for my mammogram and ultrasound. This is when the obsession of the nipple began.
The woman taking my mammogram had me put nipple stickers on me because it was easier for her define the breast in the films. OK that's fine. But no, she had to take it further. She says to me, "Oh, I see you haven't finish your reconstruction." I have to admit I was caught off guard. I was like what? No, I'm finished. I've chosen to not have my nipples added and tattoos. Like this is any of her business!
Next I'm off to get my ultrasound. While doing the ultrasound the technician asks me the same question. What the hell is every one's obsession with nipples?
I have decided at this time in my life that I do not want to have nipples and the tattoos. I feel like I have been through enough with my cancercrapness journey. I'm done being poked and prodded.
I feel like tattoos and nipples are not going to make me whole again. The simple truth is that I will never be whole again.