Saturday, September 4, 2010

Proud of my Thirties

Saturday, September 4, 2010

Current mood: Proud

OK, so my birthday is in a few days and I’m turning 39. My last year in my 30’s…. I can honestly say I’m ready for my next decade. But looking back, I must admit I have enjoyed my thirties.

Looking back….

My thirties started off pretty rough. I ended a six and half year relationship with someone who I thought was “the one”. It took a long time to get over him but I learned a lot from that relationship. Toward the end of course it got ugly but there is one very important lesson that I took away. As he was pushing me away, I became more independent and to this day I am very thankful for that. I have accomplished everything in my thirties on my own. I don’t need a man in my life to be a success. I love that about myself!

At 33, I lost my Mom. It was very tragic and sudden and caught me off guard. A part of me today is still angry at her for leaving me at such a young age. I hate the fact that she missed my little brother getting married and in a few months she is going to miss being a Grandmother. I try not to dwell on our very rocky relationship. I try to remember the good times. When she was sober, she was a very loving Mom and that is how I like to remember her.

Then less than two years later, I lost my Grandma. That was a big blow. My grandmother had just celebrated her 90th birthday. Her death was probably the hardest thing I’ve ever experienced. Those last days in hospice were the longest days ever! I miss everything about my Grandmother. Our conversations on the phone, our visits after I got out of work. Her stories about her family, helping me with my Italian homework. Building a family tree. Or just hanging out with her and playing cards. And of course her food. Homemade pizza on Saturday afternoon or homemade sauce and “macaroni”.

At 35, I would be diagnosed with cancer. At this point, I was like WTF! I can’t seem to catch a break. Looking back now, I really believe all of this has made me a stronger person. Sure my battle with cancer was a long one, but I put my suit of armor on and kicked some ass! I am proud to say I am a survivor!

During my cancercrapness journey, I decided to chase one of my dreams. I have always loved NYC. So I made the move. I waited a few months to let my hair grow back and then I started applying for jobs in NYC. I got my current job and made the move. I downsized from a two bedroom condo to a one bedroom co-op.

I also started to travel. I got my passport and busted out of the US. This past spring I went to London and Paris. The independent part of me said go for it and I did it by myself. I did however go with a tour group and made friends along the way.

I have seen my little brother get married, buy his first house and now in a few months become a father. I am so proud of him. I can’t wait to become Auntie Jill.

So as I turn 39 and tackle my last year in my thirties, I can say I am proud of myself too. I believe I have over come some pretty big challenges in my life and have come out a winner. I have learned a lot about myself and I welcome my forties, but not for another year…..


Anonymous said...

Hello - my name is Sara Jane and I am from the UK - I came across your blog accidentally as I did search on how my nanna has changed dramatically since the death of my grandad last Christmas - she has become such an angry person and I feel like I have lost my nanna:-(((
I was 39 in Feb as I too was born in 1971 and I too have had several long term bad realtionships turn very very bad and I still suffer mentally since the break ups - very much in fact it affects my every day life. But I am recently married and working towards getting a house but it's not easy.
Anyway I am a professional singer and if you like you can visit my website

I just wanted to write and let you know that I think your blog is brilliant so keep it up and hope you have many happy times ahead:-)))

My stage name is Sadie but bye for now from Sara Jane xx

Prostate Cancer said...

Great article! I hope you keep your fighting spirit alive even in the face of the dreaded disease known as cancer. I hope that you will be fully treated so that I can continue to read more of your blog 10, 20 or even 50 years from now!