Tuesday, August 28, 2012
Current mood: Unsure
Not really sure how to start off this blog other than just write what’s on my mind. The truth is I haven’t had much success in dating lately and I keep asking myself what is wrong with me? Is it me? Or am I attracting the wrong guys? What exactly is the problem?
After some soul searching, I think I’ve found the answer and yes it has to do with me. I think physically I’m ready to be out there dating again but mentally maybe I’m still that scared B/C Survivor who isn’t ready to share quite everything. And by everything I mean intimacy.
I guess the bottom line is, I feel like damaged goods and I’m not sure how to fix that, or if it is even fixable.
A part of me hates my body, I mean hates my body! Every morning I get out of the shower and put my body lotion on and I am quickly reminded that I’m not whole. A part of me was amputated. I know most people think of amputees as missing an arm or a leg but I had a double mastectomy and yes I feel like an amputee. Sure I’ve had reconstruction and may look whole to the outside world with my clothes on, but the truth is I have two fake boobs.
Don’t get me wrong, I am so grateful to be here and to be alive and I am damn proud to call myself a SURVIVOR!
I just feel like I’ve paid my dues and now it’s time to be happy, right? I want to feel pretty and of course every girl wants to feel sexy. So then how do I get that feeling back? How do I get past this? Do I need more time?
Will the right guy come around and make me feel special and take the damaged goods label off of me?