Monday, January 4, 2010

Trying so hard not to be scared...

Monday, January 4, 2010

Current mood: Scared

OK, here's the deal. A couple of months ago, yes I said months, I thought I pulled a muscle in my left arm. After a few weeks of still having pain, I thought maybe it was early on set of arthritis but when the pain got worse and nothing helped, not Tylenol or Ibuprofen, I started to get a little concerned. Keep in mind that my breast cancer was in my left breast. That is what put the red flag up for me.

As a cancer survivor, you always fear the worst. I'm trying really hard to not freak out but I don't think I'm doing a good enough job.

I FINALLY called my oncologist this morning to try and set up an appointment for an x-ray when I see her next month. Of course she was in meetings all day but my old chemo nurse called me back. I miss Helen, she was always there to put a smile on my face even on my worst days, chemo days. Anyways, we talked and she was concerned and said I should probably come in for a bone scan before my routine appointment next month.

What if my cancer has come back? Of course I've been on the computer every waking moment doing research on bone cancer, my head is spinning.

I'm starting to get a little scared and I'm crying a little more often. Deja Vu...

Something tells me there are going to be some sleepless nights ahead. January 21st can't come soon enough.


karen slipski said...

You know it's sweat it... you live in new york, you have a fab job, and you have enough support around you to make sure you don't stay up late at night...but i know you keep venting and i will keep listening! miss you...slipski

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