Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Current mood: scared, sad & angry
Well, I guess the time has come to say good-bye to my boobs. I'm having mixed emotions as I write this. I'm scared about the surgery and yet sad at the same time and even angry.
I’m scared because I’m not sure what the future holds….what is it going to be like with fake boobs. What will they look like or feel like? Will I be OK with the scars? What about dating…am I going to meet the man of my dreams and is he going to be OK with my scars and my fake boobs. I guess if he was the man of my dreams he would have to be OK with it or else he wouldn’t be the one for me….at least that’s what all my friends keep telling me.
I’m sad because here I am going through all this girly stuff and I miss my Mom so much. See my Mom passed away a little over 3 years ago and it still hurts today. Don’t get me wrong I love both my Dad and Step-dad very much but let’s face it having breast cancer and talking about fake boobs and meeting with plastic surgeons would be a better fit with Mom than with Dad. I know my Mom is looking down on me right now and I know she will be with me tomorrow. She will be my angel and will guide me through yet another “crapness” event.
I’m angry because I feel like my boobs have let me down….how dare they get cancer! Maybe it’s my fault. Maybe I didn’t show them enough attention. See I’m not one of those boob girls. I don’t shop at Victoria Secret and get the big fancy push up bras nor have I ever exposed my cleavage. Maybe they felt unwanted. Isn’t it funny how we really want something as soon as someone says we can’t have it anymore?
I promise I will start shopping at Victoria Secret…..just don’t take the boobs!